Missing You
by bonniebonbon
Summary: She remembers him, and she knows he remembers her.


Written for the 2013 Fan-Fiction Olympics using the prompts **Romance**, **Envy**, **Hermione** **Granger**, **"I missed you"**, **fall**, **wave**, **above**, and **daisy**.

There is also a John Green quote in here: **"It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."**

* * *

I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

_-A Thousand Years, _Christina Perri

* * *

"Harry!"

He hugs his fifteen-year-old godson tightly and pats him on his back, amazed at how much he's grown since he's last seen him. After letting go, he ruffles Harry's hair and feels nostalgic for a split second, seeing as he looks so much like his father.

"You remember Hermione," Harry says, pushing her gently towards the ex-convict. "Brightest witch of her age, like you said."

Normally, she'd blush at his comment, but this time, she only stares at the man in front of her. She remembers him, and she knows he remembers her.

* * *

_"Excuse me, where am I?"_

_A young man spins around to see a girl he's never seen before. "You're at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," he says cheekily. She doesn't laugh._

_"No, no, I mean-what day is it? What year?"_

_He stares at her and decides that she is a complete nutter or thinks she's being funny. He doesn't like her already. "It's Saturday, March 14, 1976." _

_The girl's eyes widen and she grins. "Well, this summer will be fun! I bet there's a lot I can learn and tell Harry about…" _

_Sirius quickly says goodbye and hurries away, and he can't help but feel bad for that Harry bloke (whoever _he_ is) for having to endure her ramblings._

:-:

_He sees her again, that weird girl. She's a Gryffindor, in her Fourth Year. He doesn't remember her being sorted. _

_She learns that he is Sirius Black, and he's a bit freaked out because she knows an awful lot about him and he knows close to nothing about her._

_"How come you weren't sorted?" he asks one day. She sits with the Marauders, and she acts like they've already met. She replies that Professor McGonagall knew of her case and that she's staying in the house she was in before._

_"Your case?" He asks. His friend, James Potter adds, "Before?"_

_Remus Lupin is the first to understand. "You're a time-traveler!"_

* * *

_Has it happened? _Sirius wonders. _Does she remember?_

He concludes that _yes, _she _does _remember, and he has to use all his strength and willpower to resist the urge to grab her and snog her senseless.

* * *

_It's soon April, and Sirius and Hermione become a form of friends. _

_"Time-traveler? So you're from the future?"_

_"Yes. That's what time traveling means, Sirius."_

_"What's it like? What happens?"_

_"Professor McGonagall says that I can't tell you, because it might affect your future and I can't change anything major." Hermione leans in and whispers in Sirius's ear. "But I will tell you one thing."_

_He jumps up and down like an eleven year old who had just received their Hogwarts letter. "What? What? What?"_

_"James and Lily start dating in Seventh Year and they get married."_

_Sirius grins and quickly hugs Hermione before running off towards the Gryffindor Common Room, where James would soon receive some embarrassing news. "You're bloody brilliant, Hermione, I'm so glad we're friends!" _

_He doesn't see her blush, and she is thankful._

:-:

_They're not supposed to be outside, but Sirius persuades Hermione to follow him. She does, but not without complaining the entire time._

_"Oh, shut it, 'Mione, no one will know." _

_"But the rules-"_

_"Screw the rules! Come on, the sky is really pretty at night."_

_Hermione stifles a laugh, and Sirius turns around. "What's so funny?"_

_"Nothing…I just never heard a boy say pretty before." At this, he rolls his eyes and continues to walk ahead._

_"For Merlin's sake, walk faster." He stops yet again to see Hermione turning back. "Hey, where do you think you're going?" _

_He walks back and grabs her hand, despite her constant protests. "Don't worry, we won't get in trouble! Don't you trust me?"_

_She stops protesting and hesitates before saying, "Yes, I do." She says it confidently, and Sirius smirks. _

_"No need to sound so sure."_

_Hermione feels her cheeks burn up. She realizes that she's done quite a lot of blushing ever since she met Sirius._

_They walk towards the courtyard hand-in-hand, Sirius in the lead. He suddenly stops and she bumps into him, muttering a "Sorry!" as he let go of her hand. _

_He lies down on the grass and stares up into the sky. "What do you think?"_

_She cranes her neck and looks up, captivated by the bright stars. She's seen them, of course, in the Great Hall's enchanted ceiling–but they weren't the same. These were real, they were right above her–she felt as if she could reach up and take one and keep it all for herself. _

_(But you can't collect stars, surely Hermione Granger knows that.)_

_"It's beautiful," she replies, still staring at the night sky. She lies down next to Sirius, whose head is now turned to the side, facing her._

_He stares at her for several minutes before she notices –he hasn't been speaking, after all, and Sirius Black always had something to say. "What?" She asks, unnerved by his intense stare. _

_"You're beautiful." He kisses her on the cheek before standing up and holding out a hand. She takes it and gets up, and they silently make their way back to the common room. _

_Sirius is rarely self-conscious, but tonight they are _both_ grateful that it is dark._

* * *

He speaks, after several minutes of silence. "Of course I remember her! She helped me escape, after all!" He doesn't mention that he has been in love with her for _god knows _how long.

He gives her a quick hug (he can't resist) and asks Harry how school's been, though he's only listening half-heartedly. He can't help but notice that the red haired boy is holding her hand and feels a pang of jealousy, knowing that an abrupt hug was the closest he was ever going to get to her.

* * *

_"You two look _exceptionally_ happy today," Lily Evans points out, seeing Sirius and Hermione walk into the Great Hall with identical grins on their faces. _

_"Oh, shut up, you're going to marry James," Hermione smirks. Which is very unlike her, but being around Sirius could be fairly influential. Lily sticks out her tongue and looks at James. "So, I guess you _do_ say yes _eventually_," James says, smirking. Lily rolls her eyes, but not without blushing furiously. _

_"Make out already!" Sirius shouts. Hermione laughs and Sirius whistles, looking around all innocently (but really, when has Sirius been _innocent_?) _

_"He has a point, you know," Hermione says. "You're going to end up marrying!"_

_"But really, what happened between you two last night?" Remus interjects. Lily looks appreciative for the change of topic. _

_Hermione casually says, "Nothing," and they continue talking about who-knows-what. _

_Minutes pass and Peter, for the first time that morning, speaks, saying that they should start heading towards Transfiguration. Hermione, having Charms, waves goodbye to everyone and kisses Sirius on the cheek, leaving everyone behind her gawking._

Nothing_ was definitely _something_. _

:-:

_The rumors spread like wildfire, and whispers follow their every step. Hermione is used to it, of course, being friends with Harry–but that doesn't mean she's fine with it. Sirius, on the other hand, can just ignore them completely. _

_They are surprised to see _Sirius Black_ with a dorky Fourth Year, and any who say it straight to his face are simply answered with a raised middle finger. Hermione wonders how he can do it so easily. It scares her sometimes._

_She brings it up one day, when she can bear it no more. "It shouldn't be so easy, Sirius."_

_"What? This?" He lazily raises his finger and she nods. "It's no big deal, 'Mione."_

_"I know, but…well, if calling someone a mudblood was that easy…"_

_Sirius looks aghast. "Hermione, I would never call you that!" _

_"I know." She looks relieved anyhow. _

_"Listen, if it bothers you, I'll stop."_

_"Okay. T-thanks."_

_He stops, now telling them to _piss off_ instead. She feels somewhat better._

:-:

_They sit by the lake–the Marauders, Lily and Hermione. Lily lazily throws stones into the water, while James plays with his Snitch, ignoring Peter's constant reminders that their essays are due on Monday. Peter finishes some of his homework and Remus reads Hogwarts: A History. Hermione beams and they start to chatter animatedly. _

_Sirius should be working on his homework, but he decides not to. He thinks that such a beautiful day shouldn't be wasted on essays and researching. _

_(But then again_, everyday_ was a beautiful day to Sirius.)_

_He's a little jealous when he sees Remus and Hermione talking, and immediately starts to take action._

:-:

_They are still talking when Sirius is finished (but then again, it has only been two minutes). He lightly taps Hermione's shoulder and she turns around._

_"Oh–Sirius! What is it?"_

_Sirius pulls a crown of daisies he has managed to twist and knot together from behind his back and places it on her head. She takes it off and observes it, putting it back where it was and hugging him after. "Thanks."_

_He laughs nonchalantly and tousles her hair. "No prob, I was bored, anyway."_

_"You should've done your homework!" Hermione insists, and their much-too-common homework discussion starts once again. _

_Sirius listens, but not without thinking that Hermione Granger is the loveliest girl he's ever met. _

* * *

She's never looked at him like that before, but now, she _knows. _As memory charm can only last so long, even if the one who cast it was skilled at charms.

It's a wave of memories that comes rushing in, and she feels a mixture of confusion and happiness and _longing. _

(Old feelings are back, too, and she doesn't know what to do when she's in love with Sirius Black.)

* * *

_It's the second last day of school, and Sirius is dreading the end. _

_It's a first, as Sirius loves summer with the Potters. But this year was different._

_This year, _Hermione_ happened._

_He knew from the start that he would have to do this. He counted down the days–counted down the days until _the end_. _

_(Damn endings.)_

:-:

_He has always been good at Charms, so he manages to wipe her memories. But only just. _

_"What are you doing, Sirius?"_

_They are in a deserted classroom, full of dusty out-dated textbooks and cobwebs. His outstretched hand shakes, a wand in its grip. He's crying, and he doesn't care that she knows._

_"What's wrong, Sirius? What are you doing?" Hermione's voice quavers as Sirius walks towards her slowly. He only manages to say, "I'm sorry."_

_"Why?" She asks, simply. She catches on; she knows what he's going to do. _

_(She really is the brightest witch of her age.)_

_"Shouldn't_ I_ be the one wiping _your_ memory?" She sounds more curious than scared. _

_"If we ever meet in the future…I don't want things to be..." his voice fades, and sobs rack his body._

_"Be what, Sirius?" _

_"Be weird! Awkward! Odd! I'm bloody twenty years older than you, even though it seems like I'm only two years older now. If your memories are modified, I know for sure that nothing can ever happen between us!"_

_Hermione stares at the floor and nods. She knows he's right._

_"I love you," she whispers. He says that he loves her, too. _

_"Wait–but the memory charm will lift eventually. It can't last forever, Sirius," she points out. "I know," he replies. "But by that time I will be dead or you would have already found someone else."_

_He allows himself one last kiss and tucks her dangling hair behind her ear. "Goodbye, Hermione." She closes her eyes, preparing to be rid of memories of Sirius, her new friends, and 1978. _

_"Obliviate."_

* * *

Somebody grabs her hand, and suddenly she remembers _Ron. _She had a crush on him for ages, and she's just recently discovered that she's had a history with Sirius.

(She can't help but wonder what _history _exactly is, though. It used to be the _past, _but with a time-turner, it could be the _past, present _and _future.)_

She tells herself that Sirius was _before _and Ron is _now._

* * *

_He is miserable all summer, and James is quite fed up with it. He's tried everything-yes, _everything-_but Sirius really loved that Hermione girl._

_"She's not coming back, mate." He says one day. Sirius replies all too quickly, "I know."_

_"Is there anything that would cheer you up?" _

_"Being alone might help."_

:-:

_Sirius lies in his bed all day, everyday. She's on his mind constantly, and it bothers him that he's not on hers._

_Mrs. Potter shouts that it's lunchtime, but Sirius replies that he's not hungry. _

_(He hasn't been hungry since she's left)_

_Nothing seems to cheer him up, and everywhere he looks he sees _her.

* * *

Perhaps he is mistaken, maybe she doesn't remember. She acts as if nothing ever happened between them.

He watches from afar as the love of his life talks and smiles and laughs with somebody else; somebody other than him.

It breaks his heart.

* * *

_He wonders what she's doing, where she is, who she's loving. Because she has to love someone, right?_

_He wonders whether he's tall, whether he's short. Is he funny? Smart? Handsome?_

_Was he anything like him?_

Of course not_, he thinks. _He's probably smart, kind, romantic._ The polar opposite of him._

_Sometimes he regrets wiping her memory. Sometimes he wishes that he held onto her and never let go. He needs her, and he wants her to stay forever and ever by his side._

* * *

He knows for sure that she remembers when she makes him tea. Four scoops of sugar and honey with a tinge of firewhiskey. It was a strange combination, but he loved it.

(It may have something to do with why Sirius was so energetic in his Hogwarts Years.)

He doesn't take his tea like that anymore, but he recognizes the blend when she hands him the cup. The smell is enough, though he takes a sip just for good measure.

He sets the cup on the table and stands up, staring at her and realizing that she looks no different than before. He reaches in and kisses her, despite knowing full well that they are twenty years apart, that it is _wrong _and that it could _never _work out.

(But Sirius Black has always been rebellious.)

* * *

_He dreams of her every night, and tonight is no exception._

:-:

_"It's time to PART-AY!" _

_Hermione laughs and brings out the drinks, firewhiskey included. "How did you manage to sneak this in?" She asks, referring to the firewhiskey._

_"House-elves," James answers. "Gotta love 'em."_

_She doesn't drink any, and neither does Lily, but it seems like Sirius and James had more than enough. Remus had his fair share, and Peter, being new to drinking, takes a sip and spits it right back out._

_"What are you doing?!" Hermione asks, seeing Sirius grab a wad of sugar, honey, and firewhiskey and pour it into his tea. "This, my dear, is what I call–the Sirius blend."_

_"Creative," Hermione says sarcastically. _

_"I'm drunk! Give me a break!" Hermione laughs and takes the cup from Sirius's hand. _

_"God, that's revolting!" She says, after taking a sip. She pours it out in the trashcan and sets the cup on the table. _

_Lily puts James's arm on her shoulder, copying Hermione. "Come on, let's get these useless lumps to their beds."_

* * *

"I missed you," he says. She stares at him, mouth wide, not knowing what to say or do or _think._ She manages out, "I missed you, too."

But soon she realizes what she is saying and simply says, "No."

* * *

_It's another dream, but this one is more of a nightmare._

:-:

_It's the first time he tells her he loves her, a regular late April day. He's only known her for a month and a half, but he knows for a fact that he is madly and oh so in love with her._

_She laughs in his face. _Did you actually think that I loved you, too? Is that what you were expecting? Ha, loser.

_He runs, with no certain destination in mind–he just wants to leave, leave her, leave Hogwarts, leave England, leave _life_. He wants to run away from everyone and everywhere and everything._

:-:

_He wakes up and convinces himself that it's just a dream, sitting up for several minutes before his heartbeats return to normal. _She had loved him; she loved him a lot_–at least half as much as he loved her._

* * *

He's confused (why is there always so much _confusion_?) and _angry. _What does she mean, _no? _Does she no longer return his feelings? Sure, it was just _one _year (not even), but it was his best year ever, and that was saying something.

He gathers up his courage (_'you're a bloody Gryffindor, man up for Merlin's sake…'_) and asks her.

:-:

"Sirius, it's not going to work out. First of all, you're twenty years older than me. Second of all, you could practically be my father. Third of all–well, I don't know, but it's just _wrong_!"

He begins to retort, but she continues.

"I'm in love with Ron!"

The room goes silent for a moment, and Hermione's eyes are wide–she's surprised that the words came tumbling out of her mouth. "It's true, I am," she confirms, more to herself than him.

He feels as if the world has ended-he has always known it, of course, that they weren't going to happen and that she was in love with Weasley-but it crushes him all the same.

* * *

_"You'll fall in love with someone else, Padfoot. Just wait a couple months, you'll see."_

_"I doubt it."_

_"Come on, let's go swimming. Summer's almost over, you've spent all of July sulking in your bedroom, and the first two weeks of August searching for a time-turner-"_

_"-Just to figure out that it doesn't go forwards in time." _

_James pats his friend on the back and reassures him. "Don't worry, you'll meet somebody. Hermione wouldn't want you to spend your life sulking over her, would she?"_

_Sirius nods weakly and fakes a smile. "Let me go grab my swimming trunks."_

* * *

"I'm sorry," she whispers, and gives him one last peck on the cheek. He falls to his knees and cry for the first time in years.

He doesn't know how to get over her-she's the best and worst thing that has ever happened to him.

* * *

_James was wrong. He couldn't be more effing _wrong_._

_He never got over her. He never met "Mrs. Right". _

_It's been three years, and nothing. Not one date, not one girl. He never met someone he had even the _slightest _interest in. _

_(Remus thinks it's sad. Even Peter had a few dates.)_

_The only thing that motivated him–told him to keep going, to keep on living–was the fact that he might see her sometime in the future. Even if she was with someone else, even if she forgot all about him. _

_But it didn't matter. It _wouldn't_ matter. It would be a privilege to have his heart broken by Hermione Granger. _


End file.
